Courage & Humility in marriage

A client asked me one time what he needed to do for his marriage to succeed.  I contemplated this question and I was surprised at how quickly I responded.  "Practice courage and humility," I said. 
While there are different concepts and skills that can be learned and practiced to ensure optimal marital health, practicing courage and humility, I believe, is necessary to promote healthy marital functioning.

I've heard that marriage is not for the faint of heart and in both my professional and personal experiences, I agree with this.  You may have heard cliches like "the person that is closest to you is the one that can hurt you the most" and "love is knowing how you could really hurt the other person and choosing not to hurt him/her."  What these sayings illustrate is the fundamental concept that healthy marital and relationship functioning requires taking risks and taking risks works best when there is emotional safety.  What happens not if, but when the person that you love the most, the love of your life, hurts you intentionally or unintentionally?  Do you retreat into yourself?  Do you lash back?  Do you store up all the hurt only to let it out later?  It takes courage to forgive and approach the one you love again in vulnerability knowing that you could be hurt again.

A "successful" and healthy marriage also requires humility.  Humility grows out of a secure place of knowing that God loves you, that you will make mistakes, that others will make mistakes too, and that you are able to be gracious towards others because God is gracious towards you.  In this place of humility, you are then able to freely love and serve your spouse selflessly.  With humility, you are able to love your spouse in the "better" and especially in the "worse" times in a steadfast way.  You realize that you don't always have it together, your spouse does not have it together, but that you can own up to your faults and frailties, ask for God's mercy and forgiveness, and out of a place of love offer forgiveness and grace to your spouse. 

How are you doing practicing courage and humility in your marriage?  Spend some time pondering and praying over this and then commit to the simplicity of loving your spouse courageously and humbly.

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