Deconstructing You

Recently I listened to a friend, who is a missionary overseas, discuss how her past couple of years has been about deconstruction of who she thought she was.  Her identity as a person, as a Christian, and as a professional were challenged as she dealt with the loneliness of being away from her support system, grief from dealing with losses of close others including both of her parents, and other challenges that expand beyond the scope of this blog.  Some of you may relate to my missionary friend.  You may feel like your life is or has been deconstructed.  The Merriam Webster online dictionary describes deconstruction as the following: "the analytical examination of something (as a theory) often in order to reveal its inadequacy."  Deconstruction of your life occurs when you are faced with having to reexamine what you thought you knew of yourself, your beliefs, or your situation.  At best, it is an opportunity to learn and grow.  At worst, you can fall apart emotionally and struggle with your circumstances.  What can you do when you feel like you are faced with the vulnerability and hardship of being deconstructed?

1) Attend to your personal needs: caring for yourself is something that you can have positive control over.  Assess how you are doing with the following and make positive changes as needed: Are you eating healthily?  Are you sleeping and resting adequately?  Are you exercising regularly?  Are you connecting with others frequently?  Are you consistently engaging in ways to grow spiritually?  Are you making time to play and engage in enjoyable things adequately?

2) Create the space to process your circumstances: Is your schedule such that time for reflection is difficult?  Create moments in your day when you can pause, process, and pray about your circumstances.  You might purposely choose a specific time during your day where you take a short break to do this, you might get up early or stay up later to create some time, or you might use commuting time between work or errands as times of silence and solitude.  Look for space or create space as needed.

3) Process your circumstances both in solitude and in community: In addition to creating space to process your circumstances, consider creating space to process both individually and in community.  Biblically, Proverbs 15:22 says that "Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" and when "two or three gather in my name, there am I with them" (Matthew 18:20).  In contrast, we also see Jesus often withdrawing to "lonely places" and praying (Luke 5:16).  Communing with God alone and in community can help you become aware of God's presence and purpose in your time of deconstruction.

4) Be open to the pain of growth and character formation: There is much to be said about pain and its purposes that could fill up many blog posts.  The process of deconstruction can be likened to being in a crucible where fire melts away what is less important in order to refine or produce something new.  Although painful,  a new perspective, a deepened faith, a greater clarity to what is important, a renewed hope, and even a deeper joy in knowing God and His love and purpose for you sometimes results from the circumstances you are facing.

Whether you seek out ways to deconstruct yourself or you are facing this process through your circumstances, find encouragement in knowing that this process may result in a greater depth of knowing God and knowing you.